


walking with a ghost

by sirfeit



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, episode tag 6x05?, i don't remember writing this or where it was supposed to go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:46:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirfeit/pseuds/sirfeit
Summary: Bellamy thinks about stuff and processes his feelings during season six when he's tied up with Murphy. just little spacekru things
Kudos: 4





	walking with a ghost

He should have known when Murphy said “Yeah, Clarke’s always been one of us.” He wasn’t there, but he’s heard the legend: Clarke and Raven and Abby and Jackson and Miller, all ready to put Emori in an oven, an experiment at the end of the world. And none of them even think it will work. Clarke’s sacrifice in the end didn’t even mean anything in the end, because it _did_ work: for _her._ If she had sacrificed herself and died, she could have ended her legend as a martyr. Instead they came down to Earth again after six years and Clarke was alive and hale and healthy, and you know what? If you survive, you don’t get to be a martyr. You’re just a human like the rest of us. Her mistakes can’t be forgotten anymore: if she’s alive, they are exacerbated until they define her being. That’s just how it goes, says Murphy.

Murphy has a lot of strong ideas about how survivors don’t get to hang onto morality. Monty could usually work an argument around him, and Harper was proof, but they didn’t survive, did they? So their arguments are all null and void.

So yeah, maybe Clarke’s a survivor now, but she’s not _family._ She’s not one of us — spacekru.

But it’s — it’s different for Murphy. Yeah, he and Murphy have been through some stuff, but he doesn’t know _Clarke_ like Bellamy does. Hasn’t held her hand while they opened the passageways to let fresh air in, hasn’t killed a man with her outside a gun depot, hasn’t ruled a ragtag army with her, against her. She called him every day for six years and seven days, and he — couldn’t answer. And they have more than a hundred years of history between them.

Murphy says: “Clarke would want us to do better.”

Murphy says. Murphy _says._ Murphy _says._ But Murphy comes to him already in the enemy’s pockets, already pals with the girl who stole Clarke’s body, already on another side, another betrayal. Sometimes it feels like it’s all tumbling down around him. Survivors don’t get to hold onto their morality.

Take the deal. Don’t seek revenge. Feels like they’re just trying to save themselves, again and again and again. And when you’re given that survival, what do you do with that, Murphy? You just lay in bed all day and whine about not being good enough. Yeah, Murphy! We know you’re not good enough! And we still saved you. And Murphy always brings up about how you _owe_ him because Murphy saved your life during whatever dumb situation they got into this time, like he’s stacking them up together, measuring them. Murphy always collects on what he’s owed.

Take this deal because I saved you. Because Clarke would want us to do better.

Let her try to kill me. I’ve already been alive for a hundred years. I’ve survived two apocalypses. One girl dressed like my — dressed like my — Clarke — isn’t going to scare me.

Murphy invokes Monty’s name, and Bellamy loses it.

If they were still on the Ring, Monty’s name would be sacrilege. Would be a forbidden word.

Monty would be ashamed of you.

And Murphy’s gone limp again, closed his eyes, does his thing that he does when he knows it’s a lost cause. Yeah, fuck you too, Murphy. This is a lost cause.

**Author's Note:**

> i put this on ao3 because it was easier than sending it over twitter. i literally do not remember writing this or whether it was supposed to be longer or bigger
> 
> i'm taking prompts via bellarkefic-for-blm on tumblr if that's something you're into!


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